Best friend engaged, I don't approve! What do do?

[CJX-RUNNER]

Dude.. As a Girl.. I say..... you CAN NOT say anything.. Let your boy learn the hard way.. Sumtimes thats just the BEST WAY.. Some people are hard headed... You just gotta let things flow.. and you'll see...

This is why it's nice to have females on the forum! We need more.:biggrin:

 

[TitanRattler813]

This is why it's nice to have females on the forum! We need more.:biggrin:

They should help us understand why dude's now fiancee is such a batch and incites argument all the time as David describes.

 

[BSP06XRU]

Because you and your buddies have a good long relationship, you guys should tell him your feelings.
But, also let him know that you guys will also stand by his decision and be there for him no matter what... good or bad. That's what being a friend is about.

 

[2006nightrider]

Dam David, take your buddy to a few titty bars. Get him in there and say see there are a sea of hot chicks out there! He'll get a couple table dances and after that he'll go home and kick the bitch out. :laugh:

and take him to the VIP room and secretly film it....then show it to her:laugh:

Normally I would agree with this, BUT...

Marriage (and subsequently divorce) is a very permanent, very expensive decision. I still say let the man make his own choice, but I agree you should voice your disagreement with the whole situation. He may be having doubts himself and is looking for someone to tell him not to do it. Let him know how you feel about it first and if he thinks he's sure, THEN stand behind what he decides as a good friend should.

x2...^^Which is why we feel the need to speak up. It's not like he's just going on a first date, its marriage we're talking about.

Very well said Starvin Marvin:top:

Poor guy just got his noodle wet... I don't think he's ready to be anybody's husband, but he doesn't know any better.

LMAO! exactly!!!

Because you and your buddies have a good long relationship, you guys should tell him your feelings.
But, also let him know that you guys will also stand by his decision and be there for him no matter what... good or bad. That's what being a friend is about.

Thats what we play on doing...but its easier said then done. If this were just a friend or a co-worker that I barely knew, I wouldn't give 2 shits...but since we all know him, probably better then himself, we feel the need to speak up.

When you got married, what did your friends say? Were they happy for you, or did they question it?

I'm only asking because if I were getting married and ALL of my close friends were questioning it, it would def make me think about what I'm about to do.

 

[Yallrun]

and take him to the VIP room and secretly film it....then show it to her:laugh:

Yeah I wasn't gonna go that far, but hell yeah go for it! :biggrin:

 

[BlackCat]

Dude... it all depends. I agree with both sides - the folks that say "stay out" and those that say "break his balls".

Love is a funny thing. Like they say, "Love is blind" ... or rather, "Love makes you blind". Emotions can quickly cloud one's judgement. I've seen on many an occasion where two folk got paired up where it was plain as day to any and all outsiders that those two weren't meant for each other. But to those two, it's like paradise...

But, all honeymoon's eventually come to an end and waking up to reality and smelling the burnt coffee can be a real b*tch. Emotion and logic tend not to make good bed fellows.

On the side of "stay out", like I said, Love is blind - or makes you blind. Interfering in your buddy's affairs may be seen as a betrayal of their trust. They may refuse to see your point of view simply because they see you as an interference. That can ultimately destory your relationship. Or, you may simply have to take the stand of passive dissapproval and simply wait and observe on the sidelines and, when the material hits the fan, come to your buddy's aid when the relationship grenades and help him pick up the pieces. A choice wording of "I told you so" might come in handy there...

On the side of "break his balls", your buddy may come to see the light and realize your stand and realize how blinded he is by emotion. He may thank you for the rest of his life. But, you need to have an especially strong friendship with your buddy in order for this to work.

Another consideration in all of this is, let's say you do get him to break it off with his lady of eternal PMS. What's to prevent him from picking up yet another one ? Seems that his track record here isn't all that spectacular. Might want to have a little discussion with him and understand what it is that he wants in a wife... other than a warm wet hole...

I don't know which is best for you and your buddy. Only you know your buddy like you do, and only you know what kind of a friendship you have with him and if its strong enough to make that kind of an instrusive step.

Good luck...

Interesting statistic I heard (don't ask me to quote a source, I don't remember) - but relationships which engage in premarital sex are more than twice as likely to end up in dvorce.

Like I keep saying... "Three cars, two cats and a motorcycle" ...

 

[Dallas]

^stay out of his sh!t.

X2 ^ if you want to stay freinds, don't make him choose between you or the taco, the taco wins every time.

 

[X-Pablo]

Well I had something similar where all my friends were against my engagement, my step brother included, although i never really liked my step bro, (he & his blood family are no longer in my family), but he was instrumental in stirring up crap about my now wife, he hated her, I think he was jealous cause all his girlfriends wanted to be with me, in fact I slept with 3 out of the 4, the only reason I didn't with #4 is she had his kid and wanted serious relationship, I said no.

I've been married for almost 16 years and lost a few friends because of her, but it was all worth it.

All you can do Knightrider is voice your opinion and that's it.

 

[Helimx]

if you tell him you don't want him to marry her, more than likely he will anyway... then you will be one friend short... until he figures it out himself,,, IF he figures it out.
I say be happy for the guy, and be there for him if and when things go wrong...

 

[WCD]

I watched my buddy make the wrong choice on this. A year later they divorced, then he gets stuck with a mortgage on his own. Not long after, his younger brother and I move in to help him out financially.

It's been almost 2 years since that mess. The thing to watch for is a home purchase. If they get a house, then your buddy my get screwed over something awful if the marriage falls apart. Be ready to help him out when crap hits the fan.

 

[BlackCat]

Was driving home from work and got to thinking.... your description of your buddy's fiancee sounded awful familiar...

Dumb question... and perhaps an irrelevant one. Not trying to be disrespectful...What was/is your buddy's mom like ? I've noticed an interesting tendancy among a lot of guys... almost a law of physics in of itself.

Men, whose moms are possessive, controlling, manipulative... tend to marry wives with similar traits...

Like I said, maybe totally irrelevant...

 

[2006nightrider]

Dude... it all depends. I agree with both sides - the folks that say "stay out" and those that say "break his balls".

Love is a funny thing. Like they say, "Love is blind" ... or rather, "Love makes you blind". Emotions can quickly cloud one's judgement. I've seen on many an occasion where two folk got paired up where it was plain as day to any and all outsiders that those two weren't meant for each other. But to those two, it's like paradise...

But, all honeymoon's eventually come to an end and waking up to reality and smelling the burnt coffee can be a real b*tch. Emotion and logic tend not to make good bed fellows.

On the side of "stay out", like I said, Love is blind - or makes you blind. Interfering in your buddy's affairs may be seen as a betrayal of their trust. They may refuse to see your point of view simply because they see you as an interference. That can ultimately destory your relationship. Or, you may simply have to take the stand of passive dissapproval and simply wait and observe on the sidelines and, when the material hits the fan, come to your buddy's aid when the relationship grenades and help him pick up the pieces. A choice wording of "I told you so" might come in handy there...

On the side of "break his balls", your buddy may come to see the light and realize your stand and realize how blinded he is by emotion. He may thank you for the rest of his life. But, you need to have an especially strong friendship with your buddy in order for this to work.

Another consideration in all of this is, let's say you do get him to break it off with his lady of eternal PMS. What's to prevent him from picking up yet another one ? Seems that his track record here isn't all that spectacular. Might want to have a little discussion with him and understand what it is that he wants in a wife... other than a warm wet hole...

I don't know which is best for you and your buddy. Only you know your buddy like you do, and only you know what kind of a friendship you have with him and if its strong enough to make that kind of an instrusive step.

Good luck...

Interesting statistic I heard (don't ask me to quote a source, I don't remember) - but relationships which engage in premarital sex are more than twice as likely to end up in dvorce.

Like I keep saying... "Three cars, two cats and a motorcycle" ...

Well said, very well said:top:

I almost want to leave it alone, just so I can say I told you so...like I did with his last girlfriend. But with his last girlfriend, it wasn't this serious.

We all are close friends, like I said, we've all known each other since we were in middle school, so we know everything about each other.

I do believe that if we ALL confronted him, he won't get too upset, but I def don't want to approach this solo, because of the fear that he would take it the wrong way coming from just ONE person, and not all of us.

I was the last one out of our crew to find out...mainly because he knows I how feel about her already. When we were roommates, she spent the night about 3 times a week, and just from watching them then...I could tell she was a bitch and wore the pants. He basically puts his head down and does what he's told. She treats him like he's a pet; like she's trying to mold/train him into the man she wants...which is not who he is.

And don't get me wrong, we're all for him bettering himself, but this isn't the case.

Before he met the first bitch, who he lost his virginity to...he dated a few girls. And a couple of them were awesome!!! They got along great, both of them had the same sense of humor, etc...but in the end, the girl ended it. But before they ended it, he honestly looked happy as all hell.

When his parents kicked him out of his house back in highschool, I let him stay with me for a couple months, I've always tried to take care of him (like a little brother). And now one of the biggest steps in his life are infront of us, and as you said---it's like he's blinded. I just don't want him to 'settle' for a girl just because he feels obligated.

When I asked him on the phone if he was sure, he said "yea, I'm pretty sure this is what I want":hmmmm2:...That to me showed me that he, himself wasn't 100% sure about this whole situation...like I said, I think he loves the idea of being married, just not her.

X2 ^ if you want to stay freinds, don't make him choose between you or the taco, the taco wins every time.

We're in NO way making him choose one or the other...we just want to tell him in a somewhat friendly matter how we feel and that we disapprove of his decision

Was driving home from work and got to thinking.... your description of your buddy's fiancee sounded awful familiar...

Dumb question... and perhaps an irrelevant one. Not trying to be disrespectful...What was/is your buddy's mom like ? I've noticed an interesting tendancy among a lot of guys... almost a law of physics in of itself.

Men, whose moms are possessive, controlling, manipulative... tend to marry wives with similar traits...

Like I said, maybe totally irrelevant...

No offense taken...actually you're DEAD ON!!!!

His mom is a crazy ass bitch!!!

I know what you're getting at, people say that most girls will marry a boy who reminds them of their father and vise versa.

Maybe you're on to something...this might make a good case come the time we confront him

 

[BlackCat]

No offense taken...actually you're DEAD ON!!!!

His mom is a crazy ass bitch!!!

I know what you're getting at, people say that most girls will marry a boy who reminds them of their father and vise versa.

Maybe you're on to something...this might make a good case come the time we confront him

Absolutely positively fascinating... I've seen this happen so many times, I've lost count.

Kinda reminds me of an episode of "COPS" i ran into while channel surfing. Man beats up girlfriend. Girlfriend calls in law enforecement. Law enforcement cuffs boyfriend and tosses him into the back of their Crown Vic. Girlfriend breaks up into tears, sobs and apologizes profusely to boyfriend - the same boyfriend who is screaming and cussing out said girlfriend through the cheesegrating in the rear passenger window of the Crown Vic with such venom and ferocity that every other word is bleeped and the cheesegrating is covered in spittle.... any bets on what girlfriend's father was like ?

 

[RedXRunner]

ill remember this next time when i go talk to a girl. if she is a b!tch and crazy imma bounce


cause my mom is just plain the best mom ever.

 

[braves011]

Was driving home from work and got to thinking.... your description of your buddy's fiancee sounded awful familiar...

Dumb question... and perhaps an irrelevant one. Not trying to be disrespectful...What was/is your buddy's mom like ? I've noticed an interesting tendancy among a lot of guys... almost a law of physics in of itself.

Men, whose moms are possessive, controlling, manipulative... tend to marry wives with similar traits...

Like I said, maybe totally irrelevant...

i've noticed alot of that myself. one with women being, in my finding and i'm talking 99% of the women i've encountered like this (with the exception of 1) women who have a poor or non existant relationship with their father are alot more..... "loose" or "easy"

 

[Ms2006nightrider]

I have known him for a long time too, and coming from another female view this chick has more than one screw loose.:stupid: shes a little scary...


And quite frankly, she's a BITCH!!!

 

[blueballs]

well this is exactly what happend to my buddy . My buddy and me have known eachother for about 11 years now and have lived with him for about 2 years this was after high school. but in highschool met this girl at a party well they had a one night stand and start the relationship off like that. ( as my dad says you gotta test drive it before you buy it ) lol.. but anyways they were all over eachother for about 2 yrs . and i didnt like her at all always controlling always nagging about stupid s!t . well they wanted to get married and just go do it in vegas well i told him point blank i dont like her shes treating you like trash you deserve better. we got into plenty of fights over her. it ended up to where he asked me to go to vegas with them so they can get married and i said NO i dont approve of this hole thing. the wedding ended up being pushed to that next month. within that next month alot happend my buddy and i ended up going to a race and it was alot easier to talk to him cause his mind wasnt on his girl we made her stay back and do whatever . well after the race i ended up talking him out of the hole marriage thing and he relized that all she was doing was using him for sh!t. they broke up and he thanked me actually for standing up and putting my foot down and telling him my feelings about it. so idk its just up to you i guess. so ways it would work other ways it wont. but sometime your friends wont even listen to you.

 

[2006nightrider]

I know beauty is only skin deep....but skin only goes so far...

I could understand if she was a bitch and was hot, but she's notuke:...I give you 'The Bitch' (aka 2 can sam):

 

[Torspd]

I always say that you have to do the pro/con circle, like we always used to have to do in school. If there are more cons than pro, it's a bust. You've got to point that out to him. A real friend is always there through the thick and the THIN. Some lessons are better learned by oneself. Some need best be avoided before they can ruins one's life. 6 people can't be wrong. You just have to find the best way to help him see the truth.

 

[braves011]

I know beauty is only skin deep....but skin only goes so far...

I could understand if she was a bitch and was hot, but she's notuke:...I give you 'The Bitch' (aka 2 can sam):

mmm boobies:biggrin: lol least she has a good choice in beer